Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
