People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
