so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
