u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
