We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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