someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
