Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
