kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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