I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
