totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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