I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
