they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
