I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
