There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
