I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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