i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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