Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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