I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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