Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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