My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
