He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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