Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
