i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
