Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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