Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
