Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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