Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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