This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
