New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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