He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
