i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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