All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
