Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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