if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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