just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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