I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
