I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
