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just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
