I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
