Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You don't make any sense
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