Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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