Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
