Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
