It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
