all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
