but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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