Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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