i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
