call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
