Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
