Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
