I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
