YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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