see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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