I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
