at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
