Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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